Summer and All of Its Woes
(I like having a title) It's only been the summer for two days, and already I can feel the tendrils of laziness beginning to wind their way around my limbs. The point of my post today is fear. Now, some of us have phobias, like arachnephobia, if spiders make you scream like a baby, or agoraphobia, if you just can't stand to set a foot outside your house. These fears are as real as my fear which is laggingaphobia. Otherwise known as I have a fear of falling behind.

High school students are constantly under pressure to acheive more and do better than the others in our school. In fact, they seem to revel in the fact that people try so hard to do well, and yet at the same time refuse to institute ranking systems. Despite this fact, there is still an immense undercurrent of people having to excel beyond everybody else, and summer is the best time to do that. My last two summers have been FILLED with camps at least one every week or so. Mostly for basketball, and last year a little volleyball, but I never felt bored.

Now I look at my summer and think, am I doing anything worthwhile? The only MAJOR thing I'm doing this summer is getting my liscense, which is supposed to be a huge step in everyone's life. But for me, it is merely a progression. I have drven a lot, actually alot alot, this year, and I feel relatively sure that I will do fine on the driving test. Except for that evil thing they call parallel parking, which I'm sure I can master.

All of these other kids are going on trips or to debate camps or taking a language or getting a job, and all I'm doing is going to SoDak or DC? I mean, that's not nothing I know, but I'm afraid that when I go back to school I'll be behind other people, and I won't have done anything. I remember reading in a Time magazine editorial a few months ago. The person was writing about what she and her children did over the summer, and they would spend afternoons reading, and just looking at clouds or sitting in a circle singing "Cum-ba-ya" (I made the last one up) I was sitting there thinking, "Is this Pleasantville?" I get all the plans ready for summer. I'm going to do this, and then that. But then it never gets done, until I force my dad to do something about it, and then the phone ends up being disconnected.

I totally blame my lack of focus on my school. This is because I spent two or three months trying to get a job as a counselor for our school's summer program, and they never responded. NEVER. If I hadn't heard from somebody else that they had fewer kids this year, then I would still naively think that I had a chance as a counselor, so I have been scrounging around looking for some meaning in my summer. I have already decided that next year, I am going to a 3 week camp at either Georgetown or Yale where you take an entire AP during the course of the camp. Supposedly you are forced to stay up all night to write papers, but I'm not worried about that. The only problem is the cost. I've told dad now, so that he has no excuse when next year I tell him the exorbidant cost of the camp. Although, if I go to Georgetown, then I won't have to worry about the cost of room. Then I would feel fulfilled.

I'm also afraid about what will happen if I don't do debate next year, or if I even have time to do debate next year, will I be really bad at it. Supposedly, to be a lawyer, you have to be really good at debating, so I guess I should start early. The only problem is that the camp is so expensive, and I really don't have the time this summer to go. But mostly its the cost. Then I found this site on-line which looks really good, and I'll probably do that, if I choose to do anything. It would definitely be a fun thing to look at.

Mostly, I'm afraid that when I get back to school, everybody will be smarter, more world-travelled, richer, and more athletic than me. But I'm also really afraid for finals, or to be more precise, the grades I RECEIVED on finals. But what do I have to worry about, right? According to my confused, adolescent mind, apparently a lot of things. BL. NP.